Baby Boo Hoo's

I cannot believe that a week has already passed since the birth of Ms. Avery. The first week has been full of unexpected emotions. I always thought bringing Avery home would be such a happy and exciting moment. H and I will whisk her in the front door, all happy and laughing, showing her around and setting everything up. Well, in reality, it was exciting, just not quite so.... perfect as I imagined. Even at the hospital, I was soooo ready to get her home. But as I was being wheeled out of the hospital room, the transportation attendent backed my wheelchair out and I got one last glimpse of the hospital room where I had stayed for the last few pivotal days. It started. This sad feeling swept over me. You know, you meet people in the hospital that you have just shared the most important days of your life with. The nurses and Dr's, Lactation consultants all helped me tremendously,and all shared this important time in Hillman and I's life, and I will never see them again. Its all over. The pregnancy, the long awaited delivery. The feeling reminded me of how I feel sometimes after Christmas, or some other big event that had taken so much planning, but much more intense. After so much planning... in a short time, Its all over. I mean.. I am so excited that Avery is here, I couldn't bare being pregnant one more day but its still sad. I brushed off the tears and we headed down to the car. Some where between Nashville and Ridgetop, Hillman was talking about something that I can't recall, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I began to sob. I mean sob like, I haven't sobbed like this since I was young. Huge tears fell from my eyes and I just couldn't stop. I sobbed for the rest of the day like this on and off. The best way for me to describe how i feel is totally and completely overwhelmed. Anxiety, sadness, overwhelmed, and tired. All week this has happened. It comes over me in waves. H just encourages me to talk to him about it, and I do. My mom came to stay with me and witnessed this first hand. She and I are a lot alike in the emotional aspect, she totally understood and made me feel so much better that she had experienced the same thing when she had me and my bro. The time came a few days later that she had to leave. I was so upset, she only lives an hour away but I was so sad. I wanted her to just stay forever!! My mom and I are really close. I could only hope Avery and I will have such a great mother/daughter relationship...I felt so alone. Hillman had to teach a class the night mom left and I was left here alone with Avery for the first time. It was almost unbearable for me emotionally. I remember just praying God would help me get through the next 3 hours or so. He understood me and sent my good friend Stacey over. She sat with me and kept my mind off of things. She has no idea how much that helped me, unless she reads this blog! ;-) I am feeling much better now. I am not as emotional now. I am feeling much more confident as a mother, many things are going well. I think it will also help when I can move around and tend to the house better. I am still experiencing quite a bit of pain from the C-sec incision, so i am pretty limited in the things I can do. Say a little prayer for us. We are getting there!!