I hate racing when Im racing but I love it when its over!

Today I jumped back on the horse and raced in the Oktoberfest 5k in Germantown Nashville. The last race ended in tears for me. I was finding that I was becoming more and more frustrated with my time and the more frustrated I became, the worse my race was! The last race was the July 4th Firecracker 5k. It is a huge race but it is always my WORST! The course isn't all that hard, it has a massive hill at the end and even though it starts at 730..It's usually around 90 degrees and humid, adding insult to injury! I felt so horrible at the end I busted into tears at the finish line! I decided at that point that I needed to take a sabbatical from racing 5k's for a while until I could remember why I do them in the first place. FOR FUN!!  Soo, today, I went out to Nashville, alone, and raced..alone! I gave it my all. I have this thing, before I started placing in my age group, I would tell myself that it is a successful race if A.) I finish, and B.) I give it all that I have, like if I don't feel like I need to puke at the finish, I didn't give it everything I have. Today..I did, I gave it my all. I really hate racing when I'm doing it, my thoughts running through my head sounding something like this..."oh shit oh SHIT why the hell do I do this to myself, OH SHIT! I can't let that skinny girl pass me!!! (as I'm speeding up to pass her)see ya skinny! Oh crap now I feel like im gonna puke, This sucks !!SUCK IT UP!!!!, oh no, Im not letting a stroller pass me! Is that the finish line????" haha!! " If if just stay at this pace, I can finish in 23 min, thats mile one, mile two, "Ok..well if I stay here, I can finish in 24, I can do this, breath, breath!" Mile 3.5ish "Ok, why the HELL did they put this freaking hill at the end!!!!! " Ok, enough of that, you get the idea!! Pretty funny stuff, when I am finished, it is the best feeling! Ahhh! Im already planning my next race! This one I finished in 25:50, Next one in a 4 miler in 3 weeks, goal is to finish in 32 min. Hello interval training, here I come!! Ill have a puke bucket ready.Huggs! ~K